Are you committed to change?
Many people seek me because they want to change. Yet, not all of them are ready to change. Even the words you use when talking about change can have an impact on how ready you are to change and with being successful with change. Your vocabulary impacts your attitudes and actions. When it comes to change, words can make a huge difference.
At the end of year we tend to get bombarded with all kinds of writings regarding New Year’s Resolutions. We usually think about what we need or want to change. Yet research tell us that most New year's resolutions are doomed to failure, because of the words used in making them. They tend to be too vague, general, and with no thought for how to achieve the goal.
By the beginning of February, most people and organizations don’t even remember anymore what their New Year’s resolutions were. Many have given up on even trying to do anything about them. And therein lays the problem. Most people are not really committed to change. They commit just to try. . . And that doesn't work!
For example, some time ago I was talking to one of my clients. She was part of a management team and was struggling to get along with the CEO of her company. She complained that she had “tried everything” to improve her relationship with him, but nothing had changed.
When I started questioning her on what exactly had she done differently, she could not come up with very specific answers. In reality, she was not doing anything different from what she had always done and had not worked. Yet, she was convinced she was “trying.”
Have you noticed the kind of attitude you have when you talk about “trying?” I don’t know about you, but whenever I use “trying” I generally start with a sigh, my tone tends to be “victim like” or “resigned.” It’s almost as if I’m saying: “I really can’t do this.” I notice I use it when I want to give an excuse for why I didn’t accomplished what I said I would.
I’m not a fan of Star Wars, but one of my sons is. Through him I have learned to like and appreciate Yoda. I find him cute and wise. There is a scene in The Empire Strikes Back that perfectly illustrate the need to do more than trying.
Yoda is instructing Luke Skywalker in how to use the Force. He asks Luke to retrieve his disabled spaceship out of a bog where it has sunk, using only his mind.
Luke, of course, thinks this is impossible. Sure, he has been able to move stones around this way. But a spaceship? That’s completely different. Or is it?
Yoda patiently explains that it is only different in his mind. Luke reluctantly agrees to “give it a try.”
Yoda then famously says, “No. Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.“
What words you use when talking about change?
Do you tend to use words like these?
I wish to change
I need to change
I have to change
I’ll try to change
None of the above phrases will help you to change. If you are really committed to change, I suggest you:
Decide either to do or not do. If you really don’t want to commit to change, don’t do it. But don’t fool yourself into thinking that trying to change will take you anywhere. If you decide to do it, then find the best way to accomplish the change.
Make a 100% commitment to change. Don’t settle for less than total success. If you are totally committed to do the change, you will find the way to win.
Tell people around you that you will change and share how you are going to do it.
Remember. . .
“Try not. Do. Or do not” Change will be easier if you are ready, committed, and prepared to do change.
Have you been trying to change instead of changing? Did you ask last week for my free booklet that explains why it's difficult to change and what to do to RESET your brain for success? If not, go back to last week's blog and ask for it.
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