Get On Top Of It: How to stop being crushed by the turbulence of transitions and 7 strategies to enjoy the ride!
We hear a lot about change, its perils, and how often we fail at change. But change is not the real problem. The difficulty lies in the transition, that intricate, turbulent, and convoluted process that people go through to incorporate change into their lives.
There is a difference between changes and transitions. Change is situational, while transitions are psychological. Change relates to events outside, transition has to do with the inner reorientation, the new way of making meaning we have to tackle in order to navigate to the other side.
A good example is what happened with COVID-19. When we had to go into quarantine, that was a change we had to make. It was situational due to what was happening around the world. The transition was about adapting to working from home, while having children around, or being isolated from loved ones if living alone, or issues around the technology.
Afterward, when businesses started to open, and many people were going back to work at their workplace, that was another change. You heard a lot about what businesses needed to do while transitioning. That transition “back to normal,” even if perceived as positive, was also difficult. While there were a lot of guidelines on which physical actions needed to be taken, there was very little talk about what needed to happen in people’s brains.
Transitions are difficult because they often force us to re-examine our values, lifestyle, and learning. You can’t just go “back to normal.” You have to decide how much of the “old” you want to keep, and what you want to change.
William Bridges brought a three-stage roadmap of transitions to mainstream culture with his 1980 book, Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes. His latest revision of the book was done in 2009. He tells us that transition is a three-phase psychological reorientation process that people go through when they are coming to terms with change. My roadmap looks just a tad different from his, while including the main features he suggests.
1. Facing reality
In order to move forward, you first have to accept the reality of the transition that is coming, or that you are experiencing. This includes an evaluation of where you are and a strategy for what you need to do.
The problem is that many times when faced with a transition, we are so overwhelmed by everything that is happening or needs to happen, that our brain goes on overdrive and everything seems to freeze. We don’t want to accept what’s in front of our awareness. And even if we have initiated the transition ourselves, we tend not to anticipate how complicated a transition can be.
It’s similar to when you want to go someplace in the mountains. You first need to know where you are starting from. And then you have to become aware of all the possible twists, turns, and weather you might encounter.
Therefore, preparing for or anticipating what you might encounter in your transition is a good place to start.
2. Letting go
A transition begins with an ending, with letting go of old realities and old identities. It’s a time to deal with loss. Unless you can make a real ending, you will be unable to make a successful beginning. Every change, even a good change like getting married, having a promotion at work, or having a baby, involves a loss of the old.
Each person has an individual way to deal with endings. You need to acknowledge and utilize your own way to let go of the old. Some need more time than others for recognizing there is an ending and dealing with it. For others, it’s some kind of ritual. Others feel they need to take something from the old into the new. Still others prefer a time to say goodbye and then jump into the new.
Once we say goodbye and let go we may feel lost, empty or confused. The ending process usually brings disengagement, loss of identity, disenchantment, and disorientation. Don’t try to numb the feelings. You have to embrace the pain before you can let it go.
3. Messy in-between
This is an in-between time when the old is mostly gone, but the new isn’t operational yet. It’s a time of chaos. It’s the zone where the crucible of change happens. It’s here where the critical psychological re-alignment takes place. It’s the furnace that gives birth to transformation.
The neutral messy in-between zone is a time of personal reorientation. You’ll feel a need to think, to meditate. A need for introspection and self-awareness. You will feel the need to rely more on your intuition and insight. To take stock of your inner resources.
4. New beginnings
It’s the new equilibrium, the full embracement and mastery of the new situation, habit, or life. It’s a time of new energy, the discovery of a new sense of purpose, of a new identity. It’s the reworking of the story, or the writing of a new story. It’s a time to celebrate and innovate!
Your inner attitudes toward life, your renewed self-knowledge, and your intuition are really the hallmarks of your new beginnings. Once the new directions become clear, it is time to take action to make things happen, to identify yourself as traveling on a new course, and then to complete the process step by step.
New beginnings incorporate some continuity from the past. You never give up the old completely, but use what you need from the past as a resource for your journey into the future.
Practical strategies to make the journey of transition easier
There’s no doubt transitions are stressful. And stress can scramble your brain. It tends to make you scattered, worried, and tired. Scientists who study stress tell us our brains are not built to do complex thinking, planning, and remembering in times of massive upheaval. Stress saps your ability to plan ahead and to keep your executive functions (abstract thinking, planning focusing, and juggling multiple bits of information) functioning clearly.
But here is the thing, you can adjust your mindset. If you believe that stress – even severe stress – doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but that it can be an enhancing part of life, that it can help you do a better job of handling challenges, you can then experience positive, even transformative, effects.
How can you then start shifting your thinking and making your transition easier? Here are seven strategies that can help.
Shift your mindset and take control of your life. Validate and accept that change is a fact (rumors only make things worst). What can you do now to help you through a difficult transition? Practice finding the good in the transition. It's not what happens to you that causes you to develop stress and respond the way you do, but how you choose to react to what happens. Take charge of your thoughts and actions and you will be able to control better how you respond. Acknowledge the stress, but see it as an opportunity for growth.
Give yourself time. It takes time to reflect and reorient. You can’t rush through transitions. You need to stop, then decide what you want to keep from the past and what you want to do differently. You also need time to take good care of yourself in order to counteract the extra stress that a transition brings. Do every day something for yourself that you find comforting and pleasurable. Get a normal amount of sleep and make sure your diet is healthy. Try to get some exercise, even if it is only a walk around the block.
Be open and flexible. Arrange temporary routines. Hold on to those parts of your life that provide comfort and security, but remember you need to create new ways of being. If your transition involves a job loss, find temporary work until you discover what you want to do over the long run. If you have lost a relationship, there is no need to isolate yourself from all of your friends. Hold on to those who can comfort you, and also look for new friends. Connections are important, even if you can connect only through the internet and the phone.
Sort through your values. You tend to stress over things that you value. A forced time of staying home could shift your values. A transition is a good time to revisit values, adjust them if needed, and adapt new values if you have come to appreciate new ways of being in the world.
Tolerate the discomfort. Transitions can introduce confusion and disorientation into your life. Expect to experience times of anxiety and insecurity. Embrace the grieving process: anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety, acceptance. These are natural feelings and an important part of the process, but they are only temporary. Feelings come and go. Trust in your own ability to see your way through the transition. Just don’t let yourself get stuck on any of those feelings. Above all, realize that using alcohol and drugs will only make the process worst. Face your challenge with integrity.
Find the support you need. The value of good friends is hard to over-emphasize. Research suggests that people with friends they can rely on during stressful times experience fewer of the negative effects of high-stress levels. Other resources are loving family members, self-help publications, special talents and abilities, such as a positive attitude, good health, and an appreciation of the beauty around you. A coach, or a psychotherapist can also help if needed. All of these resources can help you through life's transitions. Learn to recognize and utilize them.
Use stress to your advantage. Think of how can you creatively make your transition easier. Find new ways to be more productive or to do things differently. Think of what have you learned and how can you be a better leader, a better partner, a better parent, and a better human during the transition. Think about how can you help the people around you have a smoother transition and be part of the process.
Remember. . .
Don’t be afraid of change or transitions. Don’t fight the flow. Keep moving forward in your journey, and stay positive. Things develop, grow, expand, rise, fall, and work out as you go through the common stages of the transition. While transitions are challenging times of loss, fear, vulnerability, and loneliness, they are also times of great hope, renewal, and transformation. Don’t let the transition do you in! Navigate it with hope and resilience.
P.S.
I have made an infographic with the process of transition to make it easier for you to remember what to expect. You can ask for it by clicking the button below.